Although my life can seem somewhat chaotic at times and even disappointing, God never fails to hold my hand and wipe my tears from my eyes. A lot has been going on. I've moved out of my house. I'm used to moving so it wasn't like I was really attached(it was my 5th time in 3 years). But it was very hard in a different way. I felt like satan was attacking us from all sides. I was emotionally and mentally drained from all the tension and screaming btwn my family. That wears me out a lot more then anything phsyical. I ended up coming to the end of me and completly broke down at work and on the whole car ride home. When I got home I thought I was just going to pass out b/c I didn't feel like I could move but out of nowhere I just got this strength and peace from somewhere. Well that lasted me until about 4am in the morning (work at 6:45am the next morning). I realized how much God helped only when I was washing the floors for the last time (in my old house) early into the morning. My brother came up to me and he was like "how are you so calm?". And i'm just thinking 'ehhh, only if you knew'. That was kind of cool.
Well in three weeks i'm moving out of my mom's house. That's going to be 6 times in 3 yrs. At first I was a little nervous b/c i'm moving out with two guy friends and financially i'll be tight (story of my life), however now I can't wait. I'm really excited about it and I have a peace. God tends to slap me in the face. I need to keep my mouth shut sometimes. Whenever I find myself looking down on somebody for doing something and think to myself "ugh. I'd never do that", God puts me in a situation where I end up doing the same thing. It's a slap agains't my pride and a lesson to myself to never judge others because that's up to God(although it can be so tempting sometimes).
Another example, I used to really make fun of girls for how stupid we can act sometimes. Ex. "oh my gosh i'm so upset, like, he didn't call me". I used to think that was so retarded how girls would get upset about a freakin phone call but then later on I look back and remember all the times I got really hurt when so and so didn't call. I look back at all of it now and laugh.
Today i got in a huge (and I mean huge!) fight with my sister. In the end I was totally shocked. She came and humbly apologized. My sister does not apologize genuinly too often. It wasn't one of those "look, i'm sorry ok!" I knew that took a lot for her to do. I was so proud of her. I realize I could be so stuborn at times. My good friends who know me will agree.
I'm having so much fun hanging out with girls agian (not that I don't have the best guy friends ever!). I went to the oppas and danced on tables. One of the greek guys who worked there danced with me (oppa!). He had a smerk on his face. I didn't know if he thought I was an idiot b/c I didn't know what I was doing or whether he thought I was cute (maybe both). Then I went to see crimson vera play on sunday. They sounded great, expecially with their new keyboard member. I got to see a lot of people I haven't seen in a long time and at the same time, a lot of new revelations were opened to me at the show. And I mean a lot! I used to fight with the idea that sometimes it's better not to be friends with somebody. I refused to believe and except that until recently. I realized that sometimes (to protect your heart) it's better to let a friendship go. I guess maybe I can be a little idealistic...or what my mom calls niave.
I got to meet a lot of people aswell. It was good seeing Gen even though it was short. I met a guy named virgil and he was pretty cool. He saved my life from the mosh pits. I don't know what I was thinking wearing flip flops and a skirt to a show. I know better then that. It's just a lot of my stuff is still in boxes. Hopefully i'll see everyone soon. Oh! If there are any FEMALES and yes I mean FEMALES who would like to go fishing, let me know b/c I want to plan something soon. Luv ya.